No Longer So Little Anymore (Jaden's First Day of Kindergarten)

It's August 27, 2012, and all ready it has been a rather memorable day.  The children in our neighborhood started their first day of school today.  These past couple weeks, I was trying to get a game plan of when I wanted to "officially" start Jaden's first day of kindergarten.  Within the last couple days, I decided I would start it on the same day as the other children in our neighborhood going to school.  So there I said it- the time has come, how all too quickly it has, where my first born son is in kindergarten.  You think you have time to prepare for this all.  It always seemed so far away, and yet, here it is.  One thing is different for me- instead of having to worry about Jaden riding a bus, is he going to behave, is he going to listen, is he going to get picked on, is he going to like his teacher, and all the other things parents worry about when they send their child to school for his first day, for a brief moment I found myself asking did we make the right decision to homeschool him.  We haven't made this decision lightly, and there are days I feel very confident of Rick's and my decision and other days not so much.  Today was one of those not so much days and this morning because of Jaden's response to his first day of kindergarten, I literally felt tears pooling up in my eyes and I fought hard to keep them at bay.
You see, more and more every day I am realizing that very little of what I plan in my life turns out the way I have planned it.  Homeschooling honestly never really entered my mind as something I would be doing when I had my first child.  I had no definite feelings on it one way or another.  I knew plenty of people who homeschooled and it always amazed me how they did it.  I knew of nothing other than Christian school, my husband was sent to a public school.  This was really all kind of scary for me when I realized the decision of what Rick and I were going to do in regards to Jaden for kindergarten was fastly approaching.  In my mind, there is no right or wrong, as I think is the case for all families when choosing the best option for your child(ren) and their schooling.  Children learn differently and I think the key really is to know how your child will best learn.  For some, it comes from their parents; for other, it comes from outside the home.   No matter how you decide to school your child, I do think we as parents all have one thing in common and that is that God has called us and given us the responsibility to be their NUMBER ONE teacher.  At home, we lay the foundation for how our child will turn out as an adult.  The way we raise our children will be a reflection on us. 
Rick and I spent a lot of time discussing and thinking over all the various options.  We took into account our different school experiences, but foremost, we wanted to make a decision that would give Jaden a vast opportunity to constantly be able to learn and have answers to his constant questions.  Jaden has a thirst for knowledge like no child I have ever seen (I am sure there are many out there like him so please don't take that to mean that I have a unique child).  I am just saying that he is a sponge and he is constantly wanting to absorb information and very rarely will you not find him asking questions and trying to understand how things work.  Really, I am not that way, and it is quite exhausting for me at times.  Sadly, sometimes it is even frustrating for me because I don't always have the answers or I don't always feel like I have the time to answer him.  I must say right here and now, my deciding to homeschool him is going to be challenging no doubt for all of us.  I am looking forward to it though because we have had so many opportunities as a family to learn so many things and do so many hands-on things because of Jaden's constant desire to learn.  My five year old has pushed me like no other person in my life to learn new things.  Granted, my memory is not what it used to be, and I just don't retain things like he does. Even in the midst of frustrating moments, he never ceases to amaze me with his passion for learning!
*I must interject here by saying, I do not doubt that our public school system could also fulfill Jaden's thirst for learning. I have absolutely nothing against public schools- all school systems have their strong points and their faults.  I have honestly heard good things about the public school he would be going to if we chose not to homeschool him.  I know people can get rather heated on their opinions when it comes to which schooling method is "right" or "wrong".  I pray that I don't ever get caught up in a heated debate with anyone about the best way to school a child.  I don't have all the answers to this, nor do I try to pretend to.   All I can say is I believe that as parents God has given us the ability to decide what is best for our children in this area.  You alone know your child the best and I do think this is a personal decison for families.  I hope I never feel like it is my place to say to someone else that they should be doing something different with their child's schooling.  Likewise, I don't desire to worry about what other people think I should be doing with my children.  I desire alone to follow how God has directed us to teach them right now.  I realize He might direct otherwise down the road, and I desire to be open to that time if it comes.  I want to be able to take this one year at a time and objectively evaluate his different needs from year to year and the same goes for when Kya and Sierra are of kindergarten age.  So with this all in mind, if you are reading this and you disagree with us homeschooling Jaden, please kindly keep these thoughts to yourself.  Rather, encouraging me through this would go a long way!  I know I am going to need all the encouragement I can get!*
I say I am going to need encouragement because Jaden's first day of kindergarten did not go at all like I thought it would.  I mentioned I have had my doubts at times as to whether homeschooling was the right thing for us to do with Jaden.  One of my biggest doubts has been centered around the fact that anyone who knows Jaden well knows that he is a social person.  He loves people!  He loves to learn from them, he is friendly to anyone he meets (and we need to be very careful with that!), and he loves to impart what he "knows" and share that with everyone (and most days he does that rather comically).  With this in mind, we have had a lot of people express concern over not sending him to school so he gets the social interaction he needs.  As I mentioned, it was a concern of mine too. But, through God's direction and people He has led us to meet (THANK YOU God for that blessing), I can assure you we are taking measures to give him interaction with others outside our family and I am so excited about that for him!  When doubts come to my mind about homeschooling, and thankfully those times are few, God has graciously reminded me of the blessing He gave me on one of our walks up to VBS this summer.  He led us to a homeschooling family who live just a couple blocks up the street and because of that we are going to get Jaden involved in 4H.  He has led us to other opportunities and it has served as a reminder that there will be times I will feel discouraged and maybe even second guess our decision (like this morning).  But, I was also reminded this morning that God WILL be there every step of the way because in my heart I do know that I am following His plan for Jaden this year in this area of schooling.  I know I CAN do this through His help!
I keep mentioning about his first kindergarten day- so let me tell you about it.   I woke up earlier than normal, spent some time reading, and got my shower.  I woke Jaden up to start his first day of kindergarten and I thought he would be so excited.  Instead,  he was keenly aware that his friend in our neighborhood was starting school today and bless his little heart (and I was not prepared for this at all) he was sad and upset that he was not going to school also.  He was so upset that I told him I was going to take his picture for his first day of kindergarten and he refused to smile for me.  Instead, he looked like he was about to cry.  I tried to coax him to smile and I asked him what was wrong.  I would have simply just loved to deny that a struggle within him was taking place, I would have loved to just shrug this off, but I don't need to say how bad or insensitive a parent that would have made me.  I cannot even explain to you how I felt at that moment when I had the thought that maybe we had just made the biggest mistake of our lives in choosing to homeschool him.  I literally felt my heart sink watching him as he himself was trying to understand why he felt so sad and he was crying.  I could feel the tears pulling up in my own eyes.  I had to put them aside and let him talk this out with me.  He struggled to tell me what he was feeling and I truly hoped he wasn't having a hard time explaining how he was feeling because he thought I would be mad or upset at him. 
I must admit, and call me dumb or think whatever you want, but I found myself quite baffled by his response.  I am so thankful though that God gave me the insight to put two and two together as to what was going on in his little head.  Clearly, he was having the feeling this morning like he was missing out on something.  To some degree, I guess he is "missing out" on some things.  While I can understand that, it still caught me off guard to have my little precious guy wresting with this all this morning.  I am just way too practical I guess for my own good at times, I mean he is not doing anything new in regards to school this year.  I have been homeschooling Jaden for a year now.  Before Rick and I decided to officially homeschool Jaden for kindergarten, we decided it was best for me to do a "pre-trial" homeschool run with Jaden to see if I could keep up.  We purchased kindergarten curriculum for him, and he did a great job at it and worked his way through most of it (some of it I didn't bother with for various reasons).  He excelled so much that we ordered some first grade work for him this year.  I was amazed out how well he did with it and we knew from that "pre-trial" run that we wanted to continue with homeschooling him.  We have spent a lot of time trying to prepare him also for not going to school like the rest of his friends.  I guess I missed some clues maybe to the struggle that was taking place in him with not going. 
I can say I am finally realizing just how hard it is to choose what method of school is best for your children.  It is hard to explain to a child why he is doing his school at home when there is that part of him that desires to go to school.  From my experience this morning, I am realizing that there is a part of Jaden that wants to experience school with other children and that makes me realize so much more how important things like 4H and other various activities with other children are going to be for him.  He needs that social interaction to make him feel fulfilled.  He may not understand any time soon why we have made this choice.  But, I was encouraged because I, as his parent, was able to sit down and explain to him why we have choosen to keep him home and do his school here.  I was able to do something that he would have not have gotten had he went to public school this morning and that is sit down with him, read a devotional with him, and pray for him to have a good first day of school.   I know without a doubt, doing that helped ease some of his sadness of not going to school like all his other friends and it reminded me that though some days will be hard with this, I need to remember where my strength is going to come from so I can teach him effectively.
After reading the devotional- which was on thankfulness- I had him draw a picture of something he was thankful for.  He wrote I love you God, and he said he was thankful for his toys (I also asked him to do one more thing he was thankful for other than toys) and he said his family.  As we did a couple more things, I was so glad to see that it wasn't long before I was able to take pictures of him doing things that made him smile.  He learned a new math concept today and he even got to create his own games and have me play them with him.  Who knows what we are in for this school year, but I am so grateful I have this chance to mold his little heart and teach him and see first hand what he is learning.  That moment of him getting a concept and the smile that spreads over his face when he learns something for the first time will be worth the frustrations I know we will face at times.  (Mommy can't help but love that she gets to take pictures of him at school too). :)
 

Steps

As I am sitting here typing this, it is 6:34 am. I was up at 4:45 am this morning.  I am not an early morning riser typically.  I don't mind getting up and getting ready in the morning if I have somewhere to be (okay, that might depend solely on the place I am going).  If it is a fun and exciting place to go, I am all for getting up, getting ready, and getting out the door as quickly as possible.  If it is to go to doctors office or somewhere of the likes, yeah, I am just fine with staying in bed.  Today I found myself waking up with my husband. 
Typically, I do not have a problem with spending some time with him cuddling and then rolling right over and going back to sleep.  Waking up between 8-9am suits me much better. Today I was restless, I tossed and turned and I finally just gave up and got up out of bed.  My mind is normally filled with what feels like a zillion thoughts running at once, so this morning was no different than any other morning.   Well, with the exception of my mind working overtime this morning.  I had so much going through my head and a list a mile long of things I want to get done today that it was just impossible to even try to go back to sleep.  I got up and managed to get some laundry folded and put away and I got another load put in the washer.  I also put some dishes away and then Kya woke up.  Thankfully, after some cuddles with Mommy and a little bit of crying, she fell back asleep.
I must interject here by saying, I absolutely love and respect my husband for waking up at around 4:20 am five days a week (on one weekend a month he does it for seven days), to go to his job and provide for our family.  I know without a doubt by the end of this day I am going to be dragging and I know he feels the same way after each day is finished. Yet, he continues to do it because he loves his family and he knows God gave him the responsibility to provide for us.  Thank you for doing that for us Rick! 
Back to this waking up early thing.  I was struck with a rather strange thought this morning.  It has to do with the steps in our house leading up to our second floor.  If you could see them now, and much to my shame you will soon because I took a picture of them, you would see that the bottom steps are filled with things just waiting to be taken upstairs.  Call this a bad habit or a good one (I would probably be more inclined to say a bad one because of safety reasons), that is the place I temporarily put a lot of things that need to find their way back upstairs. 
Let me stop here by asking a question: Have you ever thought about how much of an impact you have in your children's lives in every area?  A lot of us as parents know that the greatest person to impact a child's life is his or her parents.  We know how important it is for us to be a good model in the way we speak to each other.  We all know they imitate many of our actions too (sometimes we wish it wasn't the case when we have that first revelation that our child learned some of the "bad things" he or she does from us).  I must admit I have never really thought about how they imitate our actions in so many different areas of our lives- some may be trivial and some more important than others.  But, due to an experience last night with Jaden, I had a thought this morning- modeling things to our children goes beyond showing manners,  it goes beyond showing love to each other, beyond being kind to one another, beyond asking and showing forgiveness, beyond helping one another.   It can even be shown in the way we run our house and how organized we are in it. 
Now, I am going to stop right here and say I am not blessed with the ability to keep every area of my home organized at all times.  Sadly, I must say I can't even say half of the time I have it organized. But, for me that comes with the territory of having three children- and when you have multiples- yeah, I quickly learned I am one person and I can only do so much.  I am trying to get better at it and I am trying to get things out of my house (and slowly it is happening). I desire to have that happen so I can spend less time taking care of things and spend more time with my husband and children.  I desire for a balance in all this too.  I don't want to find myself going to an extreme by making my husband, children, or I feel like we can't live in the house and have fun.  Yet, I have spent some time organizing different areas of my house and it is amazing how much better it has made me feel.  It is hard to explain, but it makes me feel like at least some of my life is not as chaotic.  
Back to the steps in our house.  Last night, I asked Jaden to take his computer up to his room and put it away.  He walked over to the steps and placed it on one.  I might add he was also getting ready to walk up the stairs to go to his room so he could get dressed for bed.  I heard Rick ask Jaden, "What did Mommy ask you to do and did you do it"?  I was listening to this exchange between the two of them and Jaden was able to repeat back to Rick exactly what I asked him to do.  Rick then told him he needed to listen to me and take the computer up to his room.  I asked Jaden if he was going up to his room.  He told me, "Yes".  Then I asked him, "Well, don't you think it is a good idea to take it up now since you are going up there anyways"?  He told me, "Yes".  I could almost laugh about this all now as I am typing this out, except there is a lesson to be learned here and it is one that my five year old is teaching me. 
There are so many more occassions that have come to my mind where I have told Jaden to put something away and he has followed my actions and rather than taking it upstairs he places the item on one of the steps.  He then tells me, "I will take it upstairs later or I will take it up the next time I go up".  Yeah, um right, I know him very well.  He will forget and not even "see" it sitting there.  It will not make it up to his room unless I make him listen to me and follow through at that moment when I ask him to take something up to his room.   At this point, this is where I am humbled.  He will usually give me a "reason" as to why he can't take it up.  I usually only have to ask him one more time to please take it up to his room and he will do it.  I am fully aware that he could look at me and say, "But, Mommy, you put things on the steps too and you don't take them up right away" (those of you who know Jaden well know that day will probably likely come soon because he has no trouble saying at all what he is thinking). 
I just want to interject here that I love Jaden for so many reasons, but one particular reason stands out in my mind in regards to this stairs habit of mine. (And really, it did start out with good intentions behind it: my reason for doing it was to save myself some trips and carry everything up at once). *I admit though it has probably gotten a little out of hand.*  Back to why I love Jaden though- recently, I remember getting tired of all the things on the steps so I put everything away.  When I got downstairs, Jaden looked at me and he said, "Good job Mommy for putting everything away on the steps".  Yes, I must admit after I told him thank you, I did laugh.  In my mind, something like that should not matter to him, but I have been drilling in his head he needs to put his stuff away (this does at least confirm to me that he does listen to me about this most of the time).  I am also realizing how much he needs to know that he is making me happy when he does put things away, especially when he is doing this without me even having to tell him.  As parents, it is so easy to focus on "negative" behaviors and forget how important it is to praise our children for the positive behaviors we see them doing (maybe I am the only Mom who easily forgets this).  It is definitely an area I need to work on!  He is a child who has good intentions and I am realizing through this just how much of an influence I do have over my children- in every area of their life. I am realizing that just like I make mistakes and need time and room to grow, he likewise needs time and room to grow.  My expectations of him often times are set to high. 
I can see in the simple things, like modeling the action of putting things back where they belong, that my area of influence over my children is great.  I am thankful for a son who teaches me these little things. I don't always like to acknowledge that he learned this thing and that thing from me- especially my habits that are less than great.  But, I am so thankful he has an innocent way of teaching me areas I need to work on (at least for now).  I have a long way to go in this area of organizing, but I truly do hope that when I go to put that next item on the step I think twice. Or, at the very least, if it is not safe to take it upstairs right away (and sometimes it just is not with how much Kya and Sierra are on the move now), I hope I remember that it should not be sitting there for days at a time.  Now I must end by saying, I do like how the empty steps look (I took some time during the writing of this to put the things that were on the steps away).

Oh, Dr. Pepper, How I loathe (I mean love) you!

Raise your hand if you love Dr. Pepper!  If you could see me now, I would be one of those people that have my hand raised (I know I shouldn't, it is just plain bad for you with no nutrional value what.so.ever).  But, it is my favorite soda, and I can at least say I have come a long way and have cut back in how much soda I drink.  Anyways, my love for Dr. Pepper was close to coming to a halt and it could very well have if not for my husband.  You know those days you have, the ones where you have set out to do this, this, and this, and the day is going really well and then all of the sudden one "bad" thing happens and it pretty much erases your "good" day.  That one "bad" thing quickly puts you in a funk.  I recently read about a friend of mine who has topped my list with how many "bad" things happened in her day (hope you don't mind Tina for me referencing you).  You read about someone's day and you feel sympathy, but then you are just like, "Oh my goodness if I had that kind of day I would just cry or go hide in bed".  On the other hand, there is a part of you that also just wants to laugh because really now could your day get any worse!  And, I am so glad to see that this friend of mine did end up just being able to sit and laugh when these "bad" things just kept happening!  Even more great was to see a fellow friend of ours pointing out the "good" in some of her circumstances!
You see, I recently had the day where things were going good.  My day was manageable with the kids, I was excited because Rick was getting home early and we would be able to have more time to spend with him, we had figured out what was for supper (a frozen meal I had taken out of the freezer- hooray for me for taking the time to get more organized in the meal planning area) and all that was left to do was go somewhere and buy some Dr. Pepper so I could make up some sauce for the Dr. Pepper Spaghetti we were having for supper.  (That might sound gross, and I was skeptical at first, but wow, that spaghetti is good)!  So anyways, Rick said, "Let's walk up to Rutter's".  I said, "Okay".  But, the more I got thinking about it, we would be walking along busy roads, some without sidewalks, and I was feeling a little uneasy about that with Jaden. So, we decided we would walk up to a Turkey Hill by our house.  Well, we are doing good- children are dressed, Kya and Sierra are in their cars we push to take them on walks, Jaden is begging to push one of them, we are ready to go.  While we were in the store, the only thing that could have landed us in trouble was if we did not notice that Kya had managed to grab hold of an orange while we were paying and gathering up our drinks! Whew- good thing Rick caught that one!  We start walking back home and get everyone in the house.  Another successful and enjoyable walk for us.  I happily go along getting ready to make supper (and I am rather happy that it didn't require me to do anything other than making up a quick sauce for the spaghetti- I am loving this freezer cooking idea!). 
Well, I go to open up the Dr. Pepper and at this point some of you will have no problem guessing at this point what happened.  If you can't guess- just think soda and MOVEMENT. :)  Imagine my surprise when I opened up the top.  All that could be heard from the other room was a loud release of displeasure from me.  I.was.NOT.happy! Rick asked me what happened and I said, "I was not thinking this through when I decided it would be a good idea to go for a walk and carry a bottle of soda".  I was anything but loving Dr. Pepper at the moment.  In fact, I was about ready to throw the Dr. Pepper out (looking back really now- what did the Dr. Pepper do and all I can say is that Dr. Pepper had my husband to thank for not getting chucked in the trash can). :)  The Dr. Pepper was just waiting to be released- and released it was- all over my stove, my socks, my shorts, my legs, and the floor.   Rick came out and helped me clean up the Dr. Pepper and he says (and I must preface this by saying at the time I was not exactly receptive of his view on this, lol).  But, back to what he said, "You almost made it over to the gate and at least now we have a clean floor".  Yeah, you can ask him how I responded to that.  And after my response, his last response, was, "You complete me" (a long standing joke between him and me, meant to make me laugh- which I don't remember now if it did work or not).  I might add in the midst of this too, Jaden comes out and starts asking questions which added to my frustration.  A great reminder that man sometimes in the midst of my frustrations, I need to be more mindful that a more gentle approach needs to be given to him when I am in the midst of something frustrating and he is merely being curious or really does care that I am okay when something like this is going on. 
Looking back, how much we need a different perspective when things like this happen.  I have a husband who quickly ran to my aid.  In the midst of it, (I found it anything but funny), but he was trying to see the best in the situation.  And, though it tends to be a joke between Rick and I, he really does truly complete me.  When he can't see the good in a situation, I try to find the positive in it for him; likewise, he was doing the same for me. So, in the end, though that Dr. Pepper was not my most favorite soda at the time and it was close to being chucked in the trash can (at the risk of ruining supper- man I am glad Rick intervened!), looking back now I think a lot of times we need the right perspective on these kind of things.  If you look hard enough you can usually find at least one good thing in the midst of what one would look on as a "bad" thing.    Ha, ha, ha, and just now I saw the humor in this because this could eventually be a good Science lesson for Jaden (though I might leave that one for Rick and Jaden to do). :)