Just Do It...

Our handsome son giving the babies a kiss

Our first born daughter

Our second born daughter

Our last photo together as a family of three

 I have twins.  I tell you this for no other reason right now than to say that ever since I have given birth to them my new mantra has become the slogan of that which Nike is so well known for and that is "Just Do It".  People often say to me, "I don't know how you do it with having your son and having twins".  Well, it really is quite simple.  What I mean by that is this, no it is not a simple task by any means!  But, I have often found myself thinking do I really have a choice to do anything different?  I couldn't keep one of them in my womb much less put one of them back in  my womb now.  It wasn't possible to just choose to give birth to one of my babies.  Undeniably, (and I just could not see it till it all unfolded in His timing and in His perfect way), it was God's plan for me to have that heart-wrenching miscarriage. Then, His plan was to doubly bless us with twins.  Having twins didn't by any means replace the precious baby that we lost; however, we saw it as a blessing and felt like God gave us back a part of what we lost that horrible day that I miscarried.  My mind goes back to the day I delivered our twins.  You see I had it all planned out.  I had a relatively easy pregnancy with our twins.  I had morning sickness for a couple months, it finally subsided, and the rest of it was pretty much smooth sailing until a couple weeks before I delivered them. Though I was categorized as a very high risk pregnancy, due to our twins sharing a placenta and being in separate sacs, I had in my mind only one thought: I was going to deliver them naturally.  The last thing I ever wanted was a C-Section. In fact please don't be offended, but I just can't wrap my brain around the idea that some woman love having a C-Section and they are excited knowing that the date they have set to have it is fast approaching.  Maybe that has something to do with me having a high pain tolerance and though I was racked with some serious painful contractions when I delivered my son, it was still a relatively quick process for me and I was more than happy and willing to deliver my twins the same way.  I prayed to God continually for the ability to deliver them naturally when their big day came.  I knew in the back of my mind there could be a high chance I would need a C-Section (and obviously I would want that if it was a life and death situation), but my thoughts never went much beyond.  I pretty much had myself convinced it just was not going to be that way.   I still remember the day I was in the doctors office (my visits were MANY with being pregnant with twins) and him telling me about a condition called Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome.  He asked me how I wanted to deliver and I said without hesitation definitely naturally. But, of course he did need to tell me there could be a chance I would need a C-Section depending on the circumstances when they were ready to be born.  I was by myself at this visit and I left there being really freaked out.  I came home and looked up more info on Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. I am so glad I pushed what I read about it to the back of my mind and didn't really think anymore about it.  I knew this was God's way of preparing me for what lay ahead for our family on the day I had to have an emergency C-section to deliver our twins.  Two weeks before I delivered our twins, it was discovered that Baby B was starting to lose some amniotic fluid.  No plans had been made yet for when or how they would be delivered.  After all, other than one scare of Baby A not being as responsive as they would like, things were going relatively smooth as I was nearing the 30+ weeks. It was noted at 34 weeks that Baby B was losing some amniotic fluid and the plan was to keep seeing me two times a week and just keep closely monitoring them.  Week 36 came and Tuesday-Thursday of that week were some of the most scary days for me.  Tuesday and Wednesday both babies were not moving around as much as they normally did.  You might wonder how in the world I was still feeling so much activity at this point.  Well, I only gained a total of 40 lbs with my twins, which translated into a smaller belly than a lot of people who have multiples.  I could not tell you how many times I heard from strangers, "Are you sure you are having twins"?  I refrained from saying it but man did that question ever get old and I kept wanting to say, "A funny thing keeps happening, we keep seeing TWO babies in my belly every time I get an ultrasound.  YES, I am completely sure I am"!   (Sorry sometimes those pregnancy hormones were just getting the best of me and I was not prepared for just how much attention you get from others when you have multiples). My body was undeniably feeling our two girls in there!  I went through Tuesday and the thought came to mind that maybe I should call my doctor, but I was able to get both babies to move 10 times so I let it go.  Wednesday came and I started feeling really uneasy.  Baby B was responsive for most of the day, but Baby A was barely moving all day.  I was going to call the doctor again but decided since I had an ultrasound scheduled the next day, I would just wait. I went to bed that night with a some what uneasy feeling.  I didn't get much sleep, I tossed and turned, and I woke up in early in the morning with my stomach hurting.  I don't think it was contractions, I just can't explain it other than my stomach just did not feel right.  Baby B was moving around a little, but Baby A was not.  I did not get a good feeling.  I went downstairs to use the bathroom and I remember sitting there and putting my hand on my belly and praying, "God please let Baby A move so I know she is all right".  I finished saying the prayer and then it happened- Baby A kicked.  I felt a huge sense of relief and went back to bed.  The time for my husband to get up and go to work quickly came.   The last thing I told him before he went downstairs was to make sure he had both of his cell phones on him and that they were accessible because I was pretty sure we would be meeting our two girls that day. I told him it might come down to him being ready to leave at a moments notice.  I know it was nothing less than God preparing me for what lay ahead that day.  My husband told me he was going to an account where he would be able to take in the specific tools he needed for the job and he would be able to clean it all up quickly if he needed to leave in a hurry.  What a huge blessing it was it all worked out that way, as God knew time was not going to be on our side.  My Mom, son, and I went to the ultrasound, and without going into all the details, I left there in tears because it was discovered that Baby B was losing a huge amount of amniotic fluid and both babies were in great distress.  I was in tears because it wasn't supposed to be this way. God gave me the insight into being almost positive that it was time for our twins to be born, but  I was not prepared to hear my worst fear of needing a C-Section was about to come true.  They told me to go to the hospital immediately.  They didn't go into great detail about exactly how distressed my babies were (which looking back was a good thing), but they did tell me that if anyone was scheduled for a C-Section that day they would be bumped back.  I was able to figure out my babies lives were in danger.  I can say this with certainty: every detail, down to the very last second, was controlled by God.  When we were putting my son in the car, he bumped his head on the door and it brought him to tears.  We took the time to get him calmed down, and it took away from the time that we really should have been on our way to the hospital.  I was kind of running in slow motion, yet, realizing the need to hurry to the hospital.  I called my husband as I was walking out of the doctors office and I told him the doctors were really concerned about the twins.  I told him he needed to leave immediately from work and meet me at the hospital.  I will just say he made it in record time to York Hospital.  I called my Pastor and told him to please pray because there was great concern about our twins and I would be delivering them today.  I knew without a doubt in the days ahead our church family would be covering us in prayer.  I cannot even begin to tell you how invaluable the prayers of my church family would become during the birth of our twins and even months after their birth- it still brings me to tears at times just thinking about all they did for us.  Anyways, much of that day is a blur.  I remember getting my gown on and with dread climbing into the hospital bed.  I was so scared for what I was about to encounter with the C-Section.  I was "supposed" to have my husband with me during the delivery.  He was "supposed" to be right there by my side and experience the birth of our twins with me.  Needless to say, he did not.  I lost count of all the people coming and going when I was getting prepped for the C-Section- I might have set a record though.  There was a sense of great hurriedness among everyone- and little did I know I would soon find out why.  Out of all the people who were in the room prepping me, I only remember three of them.  Two of my doctors were in there and I had the pleasure of meeting up again with with a nurse when I was in the ER, who said I looked familiar and I thought the same thing.  It turns out after talking, we realized she was the nurse in the room asking me all the questions that needed answered before I was taken back for the C-Sections.  She said, "You probably don't remember me and I told her actually I did and I thanked her once again for the part she played in the safe delivery of our twins".  Before she left she asked me how our girls were doing and she told me she will never forget that day.  Why?  Because as you will see later, all the doctors and nurses who responded on that day were holding out very little hope that our twins would survive.  I had many nurses and doctors, after the fact, telling me they will never forget that day and it was an experience that thankfully they do not happen to often.   You know it is bad when you were told by one nurse that the one doctor never goes back into the delivery room.  They knew something was definitely up when they walked in and saw her in there.  We had quickly entered into a life and death situation with our babies and what was to be one of the most joyous days of my life was becoming the worst day of my life.  You are just never prepared for something like this, much less do you ever really think something like this is going to happen to you. The last vivid details I have were from when I was in the delivery room.  I could not even tell you how many people ended up being in there. I just remember thinking it seemed like there was an awful lot of people in there and this must be really bad if we needed this many doctors and nurses in there.  I would later find out that an emergency call was put out to get more nurses from NICU into the delivery room quickly! There was a total of 8 NICU nurses- 4 attending to each of my girls.  I remember feeling so sick to my stomach, I had never felt so sick in my life.  I was entering the C-Section with an intense trepidation (which was not really entirely a good thing).  I will spare you all the details of what took place, but the last thing I remember was asking the doctor what I do when they were getting ready to put the breathing mask over my face. Thankfully, before this, I had never needed a breathing mask.  They told me to just breathe normally.  I lost count of the times I said, "I cannot do this".  Each time someone in the room would calmly tell me I could do it. You have to understand one thing at this point and this is why I did not want to have a C-Section.  I am slightly claustrophobic, so that curtain going up and the mask being brought to my face caused a sense of panic for me.  They asked me if I was ready, and all I can remember saying is I hope so and then I remember the mask being placed over my mouth. I must add at this point, the worst part of this experience - and it is probably something I will never get out of my mind - was the counting down of minutes that was taking place in the background.  No one had to tell me they were counting down because it meant that because of how sick our twins were, they HAD TO get them delivered quickly.  I would love to not leave this post hanging here right now, but it is getting rather long and it went a different way than I had initially planned. : )  I will leave you with this though, until I pick back up again. You know just how critical our babies were when you have a nurse tell you later, "We rarely see twins who are born at the same minute. And, when you do see it, you know it is not usually a good thing".   All I can say in my final closing thoughts is this: My God IS a God of miracles!  He alone was working out every second according to His plan and that is the ONLY reason we have two living breathing miracles. Every day that I look at the beautiful sweet faces of our twins, I am reminded of this!